Our favorite conspiracy theory is that everything that has happened throughout history has been the according to the nefarious design of a secret cabal of Jews and Masons, and that Jackie Mason is the diabolical mastermind of it all, but even this attempt at satire cannot compare to the Obama administration’s defense of its awful, awful nuclear deal with the Iranian government.
Secretary of State John Kerry has granted an interview to the ever-faithful interviewer Jeffrey Goldberg over at the once-venerable Atlantic Monthly, a few Hollywood types have weighed in with a video saying the only alternative to the administration’s Iran deal is melted Frisbees and dead children and global Armageddon, the president himself has addressed a friendly audience at American University and gotten laughs with his ridicule of the deal’s opponent, and one of our crazier Facebook friends has posted a video purporting to prove that a millennial Christianist worldview is the other element in the only opposition to this awful, awful deal. In every case, we noticed, there was an implication that the only alternative to this awful, awful deal is an even more awful war with Iran, that such a conflict should properly be put off until Iran acquires the nuclear weapons that can be easily acquired under this deal and acquire the inter-continental ballistic delivery systems that are explicitly allow, which will surely be after the present administration has passed, and that anyone who disagrees is probably one of those people who belong to a certain unnamed ethnic group that is currently a beleaguered minority in the Middle East, or one of those other demographically significant yet unfashionable religious categories that retain their belief in the wisdom of the earlier three-fourths of the Christian bible as well as the later fourth and stand steadfast on religious ground in support of Israel, where even the left-wing crazies understand how very, very awful this deal is.
If there’s any good news to be gleamed from this it’s that the demographically significant yet currently unfashionable portion of the Democratic party that has a certain familial affinity for a Jewish state steadfastly is showing signs of defending that noble race’s existence in some misbegotten portion of the world rather than being wiped out by an agreement an awful, awful agreement that comes to no good end. One significant Jewish Democrat has already gone to the opposition, another significant Jewish Democrat was reported to have “lost it” while trying to defend the deal to his demographically significant constituencies. This suggests some chance to peel off a few vital votes from the administration’s otherwise solid partisan support, and there’s the Republican party’s seemingly solid votes, moved by types who believe all fourths of the The Bible make more sense than this cockamamie “agreement,” which apparently isn’t even a treaty, which would require three-fourths of the Senate’s approval and would be dead in the water, so the conspiracy of Jews and all those Masons who drive their mini-cars around the local festivals is apparently gaining some steam. Enough for the administration and its Secretary of State and those Hollywood celebrities and our Facebook friends to all cast scorn on anyone who opposes this awful, awful deal.
This won’t necessarily prevent the deal or its awful, awful consequences, sd a certain ethnic minority in the Middle East and that demographically yet currently significant yet currently unfashionable minority, formerly known as Judeo-Christian civilization, no longer constitute a majority, and although the even the undecided yet have to weigh in, and probably never will, the deal might yet ben undermined enough that a subsequent and more sensible administration could completely un-do it. We’ll cling to such faint hopes in times such as these, or at least that’s what our puppet=master Jackie Mason is telling us to say.
— Bud Norman
The Central Standard Times 